Nearly 8 years ago, I married a wonderful woman and we lived happily ever after. Well, actually, there have been a few moments- though rare- that have not been as happy as we would like. In real life, couples marry hoping for the happily ever after, only to find out that they do not always agree when a decision must be made.
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Ephesians chapter 5 is one of the passages that explains that wives should submit to their husbands and that husbands should love their wives. Many books have been written on these subjects, but not all of them look at the whole counsel of God on these matters. Many of those books miss Ephesians 5:21 where it says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”
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For example an author named Debbie Pearl has become quite popular for writing to women about submitting to their husbands, but she has taken her ideas to a level that actually goes against the teaching of scripture. Her book suggests that a wife should submit to her husband even if he wants her to do something that would be wrong. Further, her teaching encourages the wife to enable the husband to continue sinful behavior rather than to confront it. This was not at all what God had in mind when he told wives to submit to their husbands.
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Colossians 3:18 provides some further clarity on this matter when it says, “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (NASB). It is not fitting in the Lord to disobey the scriptures in our submission.
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The next verse then says, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them.” (Colossians 3:19 NASB)
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A wife is to submit to her husband, but she is not to disobey God as she does so. The husband is to love his wife and not to be bitter against her. Imagine a newly married couple trying to make a decision and they each get one vote and they are not in agreement. Soon a fight starts.
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Imagine instead that the wife just always submitted to whatever the husband decided. Soon she would not even vote and would likely become sad and discouraged.
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A much better option would be if each got a vote and the husband then cast the tie breaking vote. He must cast that vote in love without being bitter against his wife. It would make it much easier for her to submit to his decision if she knew that he had at least considered her thoughts on the matter. Because of his love, sometimes his tie breaking vote should even be in her favor. Sometimes he would even realize that his ideas were wrong after hearing his wife’s reasons for her position. Other times he would weigh the matter and lovingly disagree with his wife, and go forward with his original plans. This allows them both to submit to each other, while still letting the husband provide loving leadership.
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Because the husband gets the tie breaking vote, he also must take the responsibility for the decision, even if he voted in her favor instead of his own. If the decision does not work out as planned, he should not be bitter against his wife for voting as she did, but instead should take the responsibility for having made the final decision. This also takes a lot of pressure off of the wife, because she is able to share her ideas while not having to worry about getting the blame if things do not work out.
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The marriage relationship is not always perfect, but if we properly apply the principles of love and submission it will be much smoother.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
You Can’t Manipulate God
Working from a home office has some advantages, but it also has some challenges. For example, the other day as I was preparing mailings to send out, my boys came in with their Legos asking me to build them an airplane. Occasionally I will take the time to do that, but there were 3 little boys standing there- each expecting me to build them something- and I had a lot of work to get done so I had to tell them, “not today.”
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What would have happened if the boys had whined and cried until I built them their airplanes? If you know me, you would understand that would not work. We decided that as soon as they were old enough to communicate without crying that we would not reward such behavior.
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Some children, however, have conditioned their parents to give them whatever they want, simply by throwing a tantrum. We are trying to teach our children that when they ask for something we will decide whether or not to give it to them based on what is best at the time. Sometimes we will give them what they ask for, other times we will tell them no, and sometimes we will tell them to wait.
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What about when we ask God for something? Do we expect to get what we want by figuring out how to push the right buttons with Him, or do we simply trust His wisdom to either tell us yes, no, or wait?
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When Jesus ministered here on earth, He was asked how we should pray. Consider this portion of the Lord‘s Prayer- “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10) As we pray, we must trust God enough to say, “’Thy’ will be done, rather than ‘my’ will be done.”
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As we bring our petitions to God, we must consider the role of the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:27 says, “Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” (NKJV) Notice that this passage says that the Holy Spirit makes intercession in our prayers according to God, not according to what we want. It is a great comfort for me to know that I cannot manipulate God with my prayers. As I go to prayer I can always trust Him.
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Imagine if I wanted the rain to stay away because I did not want to have to mow my grass, but the Christian farmer was praying for rain for his crops. God does not answer our prayers based on who can cry the loudest, throw the biggest temper tantrum, or give Him the most money. God cannot be bought off or manipulated. Instead He answers according to His will. That is also a comfort to me even as I pray for the sick. For example a year ago I was praying for a friend. My desire was that she get well and stay alive, but instead God healed her by letting her die so she could be with Him (she was and is a believer). As we grow closer to God, His desires should become our desires.
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I fear that too many Christians have the view that being filled with the Holy Spirit involves being able to get the Spirit to do what you want Him to do. Instead we should learn that being filled with the Holy Spirit means that we are ready to do and accept whatever He wants rather than what we want. I believe that explains 1 John 5:14, “Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” (NKJV)
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As Christians, instead of trying to get God to do what we want Him to do, let us strive to do what He wants us to do.
-
What would have happened if the boys had whined and cried until I built them their airplanes? If you know me, you would understand that would not work. We decided that as soon as they were old enough to communicate without crying that we would not reward such behavior.
-
Some children, however, have conditioned their parents to give them whatever they want, simply by throwing a tantrum. We are trying to teach our children that when they ask for something we will decide whether or not to give it to them based on what is best at the time. Sometimes we will give them what they ask for, other times we will tell them no, and sometimes we will tell them to wait.
-
What about when we ask God for something? Do we expect to get what we want by figuring out how to push the right buttons with Him, or do we simply trust His wisdom to either tell us yes, no, or wait?
-
When Jesus ministered here on earth, He was asked how we should pray. Consider this portion of the Lord‘s Prayer- “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10) As we pray, we must trust God enough to say, “’Thy’ will be done, rather than ‘my’ will be done.”
-
As we bring our petitions to God, we must consider the role of the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:27 says, “Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” (NKJV) Notice that this passage says that the Holy Spirit makes intercession in our prayers according to God, not according to what we want. It is a great comfort for me to know that I cannot manipulate God with my prayers. As I go to prayer I can always trust Him.
-
Imagine if I wanted the rain to stay away because I did not want to have to mow my grass, but the Christian farmer was praying for rain for his crops. God does not answer our prayers based on who can cry the loudest, throw the biggest temper tantrum, or give Him the most money. God cannot be bought off or manipulated. Instead He answers according to His will. That is also a comfort to me even as I pray for the sick. For example a year ago I was praying for a friend. My desire was that she get well and stay alive, but instead God healed her by letting her die so she could be with Him (she was and is a believer). As we grow closer to God, His desires should become our desires.
-
I fear that too many Christians have the view that being filled with the Holy Spirit involves being able to get the Spirit to do what you want Him to do. Instead we should learn that being filled with the Holy Spirit means that we are ready to do and accept whatever He wants rather than what we want. I believe that explains 1 John 5:14, “Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” (NKJV)
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As Christians, instead of trying to get God to do what we want Him to do, let us strive to do what He wants us to do.
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