Submitting To Each Other

Nearly 8 years ago, I married a wonderful woman and we lived happily ever after. Well, actually, there have been a few moments- though rare- that have not been as happy as we would like. In real life, couples marry hoping for the happily ever after, only to find out that they do not always agree when a decision must be made.
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Ephesians chapter 5 is one of the passages that explains that wives should submit to their husbands and that husbands should love their wives. Many books have been written on these subjects, but not all of them look at the whole counsel of God on these matters. Many of those books miss Ephesians 5:21 where it says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”
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For example an author named Debbie Pearl has become quite popular for writing to women about submitting to their husbands, but she has taken her ideas to a level that actually goes against the teaching of scripture. Her book suggests that a wife should submit to her husband even if he wants her to do something that would be wrong. Further, her teaching encourages the wife to enable the husband to continue sinful behavior rather than to confront it. This was not at all what God had in mind when he told wives to submit to their husbands.
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Colossians 3:18 provides some further clarity on this matter when it says, “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (NASB). It is not fitting in the Lord to disobey the scriptures in our submission.
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The next verse then says, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them.” (Colossians 3:19 NASB)
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A wife is to submit to her husband, but she is not to disobey God as she does so. The husband is to love his wife and not to be bitter against her. Imagine a newly married couple trying to make a decision and they each get one vote and they are not in agreement. Soon a fight starts.
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Imagine instead that the wife just always submitted to whatever the husband decided. Soon she would not even vote and would likely become sad and discouraged.
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A much better option would be if each got a vote and the husband then cast the tie breaking vote. He must cast that vote in love without being bitter against his wife. It would make it much easier for her to submit to his decision if she knew that he had at least considered her thoughts on the matter. Because of his love, sometimes his tie breaking vote should even be in her favor. Sometimes he would even realize that his ideas were wrong after hearing his wife’s reasons for her position. Other times he would weigh the matter and lovingly disagree with his wife, and go forward with his original plans. This allows them both to submit to each other, while still letting the husband provide loving leadership.
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Because the husband gets the tie breaking vote, he also must take the responsibility for the decision, even if he voted in her favor instead of his own. If the decision does not work out as planned, he should not be bitter against his wife for voting as she did, but instead should take the responsibility for having made the final decision. This also takes a lot of pressure off of the wife, because she is able to share her ideas while not having to worry about getting the blame if things do not work out.
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The marriage relationship is not always perfect, but if we properly apply the principles of love and submission it will be much smoother.